My husband

This is on my mind often. The fact that I chose to marry Stephen Michael Keller almost 10 years ago and the incredible, beautiful, surprising joy that has come from that decision.

We met on a blind date after my parents and his grandparents had lunch and "Nana" called Michael with my phone number and a directive to call me.  We liked each other instantly and I wanted to kiss him on our first date. He waited almost a month to kiss me, one of the first of many gestures of respect towards me from him.

On that topic I want to write. How this guy has shown me respect in the most unexpected way.  I want to sum it up in a couple words and I'm not sure how to do that so I'll just keep writing until I figure it out.

When I'm confused, sad, lonely, frustrated, scared, anxious, embarrassed, or mad Michael expects me to make myself feel better.  He will physically be there, listen to me and look at me when I'm talking, hug me when I ask him to (it's OK to need some prompting sometime :)), offer suggestions when I ask for help and support me in any way I choose to move forward, BUT, he will not try to fix my situation and he will not try to make me feel better.

You may have guessed that this perplexed me at first- it bothered me and sometimes infuriated me- that he wouldn't "mirror" my emotions and be anxious for me to feel better! After all, that is what I learned meant someone cared- but now I know that's not always (or rarely) best.

Now, in our 10th year of marriage it's one of the things I'm most grateful for to him. That in the face of a problem his partner is experiencing, he has the humility, wisdom and respect to let me figure it out.

A lot of my confidence  can be traced back to this practice of his and my subsequent experience learning to confront and manage my own emotions, thoughts and actions.

It has inspired me to be an empowering spouse like he is and avoid the nit-picking, nagging and trying to "fix" him.  When I express confidence in his abilities and allow him to learn from his own mistakes he actually does the most growing, has the most joy and is then able to be his best self.  Which, in the end blesses our marriage relationship too.  Same goes for our children and how we empower them to figure things out.

Thanks for letting me share something so dear to my heart, something that literally has kept me up at night in tears of gratitude.  I hope it inspires you to recognize the good in your family and friends and have confidence in them and yourself.