The Book of Mormon

Grateful for

Good friends. Thank you for listening and not judging and giving hope. Thank you for understanding things that nobody else can understand. Thank you for keeping the faith and helping me to keep it too.

Thank you.

Joy from experiencing Christ-like Love

If I was who I am now, then. But first some background.

I studied abroad in Spain for 3 months last winter. While I was there, I had 2 major (and a few small) emotional breakdowns, episodes, whatever you call it when all of the sudden everything is crazy in your mind and body and you can't mentally or physically handle it. After a lot of discussing we came to the conclusion that the cause of these breakdowns was a mixture of a few things:

1. Extreme Jet Lag (1 day of traveling through 8 time zones)

2. Change of medication dosage (who would do that while they're in a far away country with nobody they know?? I must say, in my defense, my doctor did suggest it. Just saying.)

3. Extreme change of habitat. I went from sweet loving roommates who shared the same faith to a family still grieving from losing their father and who had recently apostatized from the faith i still thought was true.

These episodes were the lowest points but there were weeks of intense insecurity, self-doubt, doubt about everything I ever believed in, excruciating loneliness, frivolous spending (which I'm convinced affects our health-mental at least), and even anger at God- that is if I believed He existed. I was not the me I had been all my life. Every foundation I had built my identity on was rocked and threatened to crumble into nothing.

(In a future post I'll tell you how I got out of that shaky place. I'll tell you one thing though, during my first "episode" all that I could say or think while I was on the bathroom floor on the verge of ripping all my clothes off (weird effect the episode had on me) was "I love you Heavenly Father and I know you're with me." And I did, then.)

So, with that background information, the post I wanted to write will now make sense;

(In an email I wrote to my Study Abroad director/instructor/friend/counselor/psychiatrist/doctor/mother after our Spain Study Abroad reunion)

"Thanks so much for a fun reunion! The food you made was great and a sweet reminder of Spain. And the memories everyone shared literally made my heart ache to be there in the Study Abroad again.

Isn't it funny how much more we see and understand after an experience. I definitely enjoyed it while I was there (minus the emotional episodes) but now I wish I could go back and get to know EVERYONE more, rather than the few I really bonded with.

Without intending, I think I allowed myself to be somewhat introverted and only opened up to a few people (you being one of them.) I think that happened because I was less sure of myself than I think I ever was in my whole life. Now, I would be happy and even anxious to open up to and learn about EVERYONE in the group, but I just was not in the state of mind to do that then... too bad. But, it's OK, because I've learned from that and that's what life's about, right?"

Little pic of me smelling a flower in Spain. Yes, this was staged, by me.

Us studious students getting some work done in a foreign land.

finishing up my university experience

I graduate from BYU in April. I took a "Senior Survey" and wanted to share some things i wrote to illustrate just how valuable my university experience has been...

Survey question:

Think of a non-religion course that profoundly influenced you both intellectually and spiritually. What was it about the course (including the instructor) that was so significant for you? Please be as specific as you can.

My response:

Dr. Nate Kramer taught my Humanities 202 course. I took the class to fulfill my last civilization requirement. He was so good at introducing how to think and discuss art and its reflection of history in an analytical way. It was only after a couple classes that i felt comfortable contributing to discussion and expressing my personal reflections about the topic at hand. He was always very charismatic about listening to and expounding upon or just accepting every comment made in class- this created a comfortable setting for all of us students where we felt safe in exploring new ideas and concepts that may have been unfamiliar to us.

He applied spirituality in a very practical way. I remember learning about a poet who wrote about the almost "prophet-like" characteristics poets have in that they understand things more and are just above the normal human and can communicate with God, almost. This poet lived around the same time as Joseph Smith. Dr. Kramer explained that Joseph Smith was described to have these characteristics of a prophet-like poet by intellectuals not of the Mormon faith. My testimony was strengthened to hear about how others not of the Mormon faith that had met Joseph, recognized his spiritual connectedness and ability to prophesy and commune with God directly.

Throughout the course Dr. Kramer would challenge our thinking. When we'd study art pieces that seemed "weird" or irreverent he would ask why they were weird or irreverent. I learned that while I have my own values and experiences, others have different values and experiences. This helped me learn about God's love for all of His children. We read a book about a small African tribe that practiced rituals that seemed to go against all things normal and right to most of us in the class. But, as I read it, I realized that these people were doing what they felt was right and best for their families. I am grateful to have a knowledge of the Gospel and for how it shapes my habits and priorities, but there are many without that knowledge and it would be unfair to judge their worth or character based upon their actions when they know no different. Dr. Kramer helped me learn that.

At the end of the course he summed up what he had been trying to do all semester. He taught that learning about art/customs/history is a way of becoming more like Christ. As we learn more about how someone feels/thinks and how that is expressed through art/poetry/literature, we do not have to agree with or accept ideas that go against our spiritual knowledge but we can instead try to understand them as children of God with their own experiences that have shaped who they are.

My love for people of different races/religions/backgrounds/etc. grew immensely throughout this course. I will live the rest of my life with a greater appreciation for the diversity of God's creations because of this course.

ok, i'll post.

Boyd K. Packer said:

"Our marital relationship is too important for us to clutter our minds and hearts with resentment that is created by dwelling on the faults and weaknesses or our spouse. We need to forgive and move on."

This is key.

someone else's post

I don't have the motivation to write.... sorry, I don't get paid for this, so I only do it when I want to.

BUT.. Cjane wrote a post I really like.

Click here to enjoy.