King of Anything

Our family is reading The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People and our last chapter was about Empathic (empathic: of, pertaining to, or characterized by empathy) Listening, or good listening. It was an "aha" chapter for me. I learned 2 things.

1. I do not always practice good listening skills
2. Now I know why I sometimes get frustrated with people when I'm trying to open up to them

1. (cont.) I started paying attention to how I listened (or didn't listen) to others and realized I often respond autobiographically, or, I respond by using my own experience that I think relates to theirs. This is common and not always bad, but, I realized that if I were to listen empathically more often I would probably know and understand the people I love a lot more.

2. (cont.) There are times I open up to people (usually when I'm in need of help) and before I know it, they're relating their own stories to me, telling me how they dealt with it and suggesting I do the same. I can usually appreciate this, but I still do not feel completely heard or understood when this happens. This next part is KEY: The book suggests that there are layers to what we reveal about our concerns and that it takes more time and effort in empathic listening to pull back the layers and get to the core. So, when I feel I haven't revealed exactly what's wrong and I'm already getting advice, then I get frustrated.

The song, King of Anything, by Sara Bareilles has been a favorite since I heard it a few weeks ago. As I was listening today, I realized that Sara expresses some of the frustrations I have when others act like they're "King" of something or "understand and know it all"and don't bother to understand you more.

This post does reveal negative feelings I have but this doesn't mean they consume me. I'm just pleased to find another way of expressing my feelings through this song.