A child takes your hand

Tonight I got to look after a little girl for a few minutes to give her mom a break while we waited for our husbands to finish cleaning up the BYU football stadium. I looked up for a second and next thing I know little Ashlynn's hand is sliding into mine. I look down and my heart melts when I realize she's voluntarily taken my hand and wants help up the stairs. Oh man, I love little people!

And, since I don't have a picture of Ashlynn,
here's a picture of M and I right before we bungee jumped on our honeymoon :)

Making stuff

I made this headband yesterday with the help of Brittany D. Thanks! It was so fun and I got to make it just how I wanted...for freeee!

Bye bye birdie...

Or, bye bye sadness!
I think I'm back to normal. Haha, just yesterday I thought my world was crashing down on me. Humph. Now I know it's not, and it wasn't.

I've GOT to write some of the things down that happen at the school I'm working at.

Today one of my favorite kids said this in his South Korean accent.
"I hate this class. I must destroy this class."

So, he's this scrawny 13-year-old with glasses and kind of mutters this. I was cracking up inside. I would say that one of my biggest challenges sometimes is staying on task because the kids are so fun and funny!

A couple weeks ago I was helping Antonio (names have been changed) in his Spanish class, I turned around for 1 minute and next thing I know he's gagging because he swallowed his lollipop- stick and all! What the heck was he thinking?! It was so funny after the fact, when we realized he'd be fine.

Stuff like this happens all the time. I love those kids. It makes me wonder if I'd like being a teacher, I don't know. It seems like most of the teachers are so serious and stressed out- except for the one I am an aide for, she is an exceptional teacher.

If being a teacher meant I couldn't laugh and have fun with the kids every once in a while then, No, I wouldn't like to be a teacher. But, I don't think it means that. I'd need to go back to school though... hmm.

Anyways, for now, I LOVE my job. I just wish I could work more than the district allotted time of 15 hours a week.

Here it is again

Yep, just when everything is going perfectly... BAM! I'm sad again. Wah wah. I know, you might not want to hear my complaints, but, maybe it'll help me get over these feelings quicker... I don't know.

I don't know- those words are often repeated when I am depressed. Very interesting. Hmmm. Depression is a trial and we thank God in our trials (or we'd be better off if we did!). So, thanks! Thank you for these horribly confusing, heart-wrenching and mind-blowing feelings and thoughts.

So sad I can't go hide in a cupboard for the time it takes for me to not be depressed. Why do I think that? Because right now almost nobody can make me happy- not even myself! Michael's sweetness goes under-appreciated (isn't that spelled peculiarly?) and everyone's jokes go un-laughed-at. All I can think is "I'm sad and you're not helping."

YUCK! What a selfish way to think, huh? Well, at least I know it's not my normal thinking and I can try to change those thoughts and look forward to the day my automatic positive/loving/happy thoughts come back.

Wait.

Wait.

Wait.

But, when you think about it, that's what others who are battling other more apparent more life-threatening situations are told, they're told to wait.

What am I waiting (patiently) for?

When smiling comes easily.

When laughter is second-nature.

When I don't fear seeing people I know because they'll see how stupid/lazy/messed-up I am.

When I don't think about myself and my own thoughts way too much.

When cooking sounds fun again.

When working doesn't seem impossible and unbearable.

When crawling into my bed and passing the hours asleep doesn't sound like the best option.

When everything everyone does doesn't annoy me.

Here's a favor I ask of you, pray. Pray for me to get over this and especially for my husband to always remember the better me when I'm down like this.

Here are some "good things..."

Good thing marriage is eternal if we want it to be.

Good thing my worth does not depend on how I'm feeling right now.

Good thing my family loves me no matter what.

Good thing I know I'll get over this like I have maybe a hundred times before.

Good thing not everyone is like this (and at the same time!) or we could have some major global problems!

Good thing the Gospel of Jesus Christ remains true/perfect/eternal/there for all of us all the time.

Good thing God exists and knows the purpose of our bummer times.

Good thing God made me who I am....even though I'm crazy sometimes, I'm happy with who I am.

Good thing God and Jesus Christ love all of us - no matter how we feel about ourselves.

Good thing the struggles we go through in this life will be all worth it in the end.

Good thing there are Temples to feel God's love in and participate in the most holy work there is.

Good thing I have friends that love me and stand by me.

Good thing not many people read this blog.

Haha.