the wall

I'm hitting the wall right now and trying not to keep banging my head into it.  I feel hungry but not really.  I feel tired but not really.  I feel frustrated and limited.  I want to eat those chips but not really.  I want this to be easier.  I want it to be August 22nd.

I started the P90X portion plan today and it's not easy- of course it's not!  It's a big change (well, big enough for it to be difficult) from the norm for me.  I'm home a lot and often snack.  I snack when I'm hungry, when I'm bored, when I'm frustrated.  Now, if I want to keep my commitment to myself, I can't do that.  I have to fill the time with something else.  I was just laying on the floor doing some deep breathing to pass the time and that helped a little. 

Today went really well before I hit the wall.  And it's still going well as far as my sticking to the plan but it's just not so easy at the moment.  I bet in a half hour or so it won't be so bad.

It must be kind of like quitting any other bad habit.  You make a plan, are full of motivation and excitement, start the journey, do well at first and then reality sets in and you realize how hard it's gonna be.  But I knew it was going to be hard, this is a CHANGE... and CHANGE IS HARD!

But I can do hard things- I've done many of them- and this one will really pay off for me and for those I love most.  I'll feel better, I'll look a little better, I'll be more confident, I'll feel less guilt, I'll have more energy, I'll have better habits to teach my kids, I'll gain more respect from people close to me, I'll be able to play more and better with Sarah, I'll be more excited to play sports with Michael, I'll feel better about my future, I'll feel better when I'm pregnant again someday, I'll have an even better experience delivering my baby, I'll have more time to do important things, I'll be a better visiting teacher, I'll be a better cook, I'll be a better friend.  I'm sure there is more, too.

Anyways... this was one of my outlets I planned to turn to when it got hard and it's still hard.... my tummy is grumbling and Michael is snacking on yummy food.

I'll figure this out, my body will adjust, and it won't be so hard tomorrow, hopefully.