Tomorrow we leave for a week and a half. We're going to Colorado and Utah. I still have to pack all of us and make food to bring. I want to work out, shower, get ready, do the dishes, pay attention to my girls, help them help me with trip preparations and go to a Relief Society activity this evening. I'd also like to clean my office/home school room and vacuum the whole house.
I also told Sarah we'd take our walk to the cemetery since we didn't on Sunday.
And I have some stuff I told my mom I would send her.
Ok, so I have some stuff to get done today and what do I think and feel and do now? I think, "It's going to take a miracle to do everything. Something is going to be left undone and that's ok. Is it? Michael is going to think I'm a mess and unorganized and irresponsible and lazy. Oh man, I need to get to work. All I want to do is sit and relax. I want to be calm. I want to feel prepared. Am I willing to do the uncomfortable work of preparing in order to be prepared?"
That was a lot of my thoughts and maybe too much for some of you. If you aren't interested in dissecting my thoughts and hearing what I'll do to turn my day around then you can move on to something else cause that's just what I'm going to do.
I like to think, is the thought helping? And from my work with EmyLee MacIntyre I've learned to ask myself, how does that thought make me feel and how do I show up when I feel that way?
So, because time is finite and like I said before I'm leaving tomorrow on a trip, let me dissect just one thought.
I'm going to dissect the thought about what my husband is going to think about me.
So, when I think, "Michael is going to think I'm a mess and unorganized and irresponsible and lazy" how does that make me feel? That makes me feel mad. Probably because I'm not those things, but why it makes me feel that way is not what I'm working on right now, I'm just identifying in one-word how it makes me feel.
So, what feeling do I want?
I want to feel peace.
Now I ask myself, what thought can I think that would help me feel peace?
What about, "It's OK for Michael to have the wrong idea about me."
*insert* when we're doing "thought work" it's normal to "try thoughts on" and see how it feels. If it doesn't feel right because it's not genuine or sincere or doesn't promote any feeling then try a different thought! (all learned from EmyLee MacIntyre!)
When I think, "It's OK for Michael to have the wrong idea about me" I honestly don't feel much. So, I'm going to try a new thought.
And, as I'm writing this, I'm realizing that I'm not so worried about what Michael will think as I am worried about what I think about myself. That means that I'm going to be honest about what thought it is I'm thinking that makes me feel so worried/powerless about getting everything done today.
"I can't do everything I need to do to be prepared and still do everything else I normally do on a normal day."
That's what I'm thinking and how am I showing up? Well, I'm still in my pajamas (it's 11:30), My kids are watching tv even though I'd rather them be actively helping with the preparation, I'm writing (which could be viewed as an avoidance but I like to think it's actually going to help!! *I choose to think that and so it will help because of how that thought makes me "show up" when I'm done writing!!- a mini thought work session in the middle of another!), I've done more sitting and worrying and I'm physically tense.
So now I need to decide what thought is going to help me show up differently, productively, peacefully and kindly.
How about, "I am going to get everything necessary done before we leave and enjoy myself and my family while I'm doing it."
I feel calm when I say that out loud, so that's the thought I'm going to repeat and believe today because that's close enough of the same for me as peace like I mentioned earlier.
And when I'm calm I'm productive and creative and kind and thoughtful.
And because I show up in those ways today I know I will actually accomplish all that I need to today.
So, by choosing a certain thought that will help me feel a specific way I get to have the results I want.
This may seem all too simple and you may think, "I don't need someone to tell me all of that!! I'm not a fool!" and that's ok if that's the case.
But, if you have moments, times, days, months of stress or depression (aside or added to normal diagnosed depression) or intense worry, regret or sadness, these practices or this thought work might actually make a big difference like it has for me.
I'm still learning so much about circumstances being neutral and the thoughts we choose to have about them or the meaning we give our circumstances being what creates our feelings, actions, results and overall experience. If what I shared appears to have some holes in it it's because it does.... if you wanna know more you can google "the model" or look up the people that have helped me with this type of work: Brooke Castillo, Jody Moore and EmyLee MacIntyre.
Good luck and here I go tackling my day with calm!! Woohooo!! Now I'm excited!!
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